Can't Live a Day
by Lina Skye
Summary: COMPLETE!!HAS SPACING CHANGES...Obi-Wan's first love is stolen away from him. Can he find her in time to save her?


"I could live life alone and never feel the longings of my heart, the healing warmth of someone's arms. And I could live dreams and never know the thrill of what could be with every star so far and out of reach. I could live without many things.   
And I could carry on, but I couldn't face my life tomorrow without your hope in my heart, I know. I can't live the day without you.  
Lord there's no night and there's no morning without your loving arms to hold me. You're the heart beat of all I do. I can't live a day without you......"  
-Can't live a day  
by Avalon  
  
Obi-Wan Kenobi looked out at the stars. She was out there somewhere. He could feel her pain through their weakened bond. The sounds of traffic and business were unheard by Obi- Wan. The only thing he could hear were Livvy's cries of pain from the nightmares he had recently. Small tears filled his blue-gray eyes at the vivid memories of his dear friend's pain. He and Livia had been more than friends. They were in love. Obi-Wan closed his eyes against the tears, unwilling to let the tears fall.   
  
  
"Hey, Livvy. How's it going?"Obi-Wan asked, putting an arm around the young girl beside him. Livia up at the mention of her nickname Obi-Wan had given her. "Great, Obi. Just dandy. The Council is going to send me on a solo mission soon,"She replied, her blue eyes sparkling. Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at the 20 year old standing beside him. Obi-Wan was 21 and he received very few solo missions. When he did, he was usually nervous. Livia did not seem nervous nor apprehensive. She seemed excited, yet the grace she always possessed continued to hold through the excitement. "What is the mission?"Obi-Wan asked. Livia smiled mischievously. "It's a secret."She whispered, smiling. Obi-Wan smiled and leaned down, planting a light kiss on Livia's lips. Livia smiled and waved a goodbye to Obi-Wan as she walked to the Council Room. "Bye, Obi-Wan. Take care of yourself! Miss you I will!"She cried over her shoulder. Obi-Wan waved goodbye to her. Obi-Wan sent her. Livia turned around and blew kiss to Obi-Wan. Obi- Wan feigned catching it and smiled. Livia disappeared into a turbolift.   
  
Obi-Wan smiled to himself. He and Livia shared a deep bond. The bond was unlike any other he had. He and his Master's bond was special, but a father-son kind of bond. The bond he shared with Livia was a deep love. He turned and walked back to his quarters, wondering if he could get any more lucky.  
  
A large hand placed itself on Obi-Wan's shoulder. The comforting weight of Qui-Gon's hand brought Obi-Wan out of his private worries. "Come in out of the cold, Padawan. Getting yourself sick will do little good to anyone,"Qui-Gon said. Obi-Wan nodded, looking longingly once more back out at the stars. He then followed his Master back into the shelter of their apartment.   
  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
Obi-Wan ran through the chaos and smoke. The tattered and worn buildings looked like they were about to collapse. Fire raged around the city in various places. He sensed an oh-so- familiar presence to his right. He rushed over to a small building, drawing his lightsaber, and sliced into the door without hesitation. Inside, his worst fears became reality. Livia lay there, on the cold, hard, filthy, ground. Her chest rose in shallow breaths. Obi-Wan rushed over to her side and knelt, gently probing her with the Force. Dread washed through him as he sensed her injuries. He was reluctant to move her, afraid to cause further damage. His mind was made up as he heard her softly call out his name. He threw all caution into the chaos outside and pulled her into his arms. "Livvy, it's me. Obi-Wan. You'll be all right. I'll get you out of here."He murmured, gently kissing the crown of her forehead.   
  
"I-I'm sorry. It's too late for me, my Obi-Wan,"she whispered. Obi-Wan gently touched her forehead. She was burning up with a fever. Her life force was weakening rapidly. "No! You'll be fine and we'll go back to the Temple. We will do all those things we said we were going to do. Please.....I can't go on without you..."Obi-Wan said, his voice dissolving as tears filled his eyes. "Don't be sad, my love. We'll be together in the Force for eternity, later. Don't grieve for me. I love you too much to see you in pain."She gasped out, pain filling her. Obi- Wan gently eased her pain. "Livvy......I-I love you.."He whispered. A small smile creased Livia's features as she closed her eyes to a sleep she would never wake from.   
  
Obi-Wan jerked awake, tears streaming down his face. He choked back a sob, not wanting to wake his Master. Obi-Wan stood and walked slowly to the refresher station. He splashed cold water on his face, hoping to rid himself of the horrid nightmare. He walked back to his room, seeking comfort and sleep. Neither were granted him. Qui-Gon entered the room, his concerned presence illuminating the sadness. "Padawan, what's wrong?"Qui-Gon asked. Obi- Wan tried to control his suddenly shaking hands. He pressed his hands underneath the bedsheets and looked over at his Master. "I had another nightmare about Livia...."Obi-Wan replied, proceeding to tell his Master about the nightmare. Qui-Gon looked over at his apprentice, a mixture of sympathy and compassion on his face. He knew how much Livia's capture plagued him. Obi-Wan would not rest until Livia was safe. Qui-Gon knew this. It was time they took action.   
  
"Get some sleep, Padawan. Tomorrow, I will tell the Council of our decision to find her."Qui-Gon said, implanting a sleep suggestion in Obi-Wan's mind. Obi-Wan nodded sleepily and fell back against his pillow, not to be plagued by any more nightmares that night. Obi-Wan had gotten little or no sleep since Livia's capture. This was wearing down on his Padawan. It was best for both of them if they brought the young girl to safety.   
The next morning, Qui-Gon informed the Council of their decision. The Council disapproved, but did not stand in their way. The two Jedi left that very day for the planet of Geonasi to find Livia.   
  
Obi-Wan woke to see his Master standing, already dressed, at his bedside. "Did I oversleep, Master?"Obi-Wan asked, rubbing his eyes blearily and standing. Qui-Gon shook his head. "You needed the rest, Padawan. We have a long journey ahead of us. Pack your things. We are leaving for Geonasi,"Qui-Gon said. Obi-Wan nodded, already moving to hastily dress and pack. Within moments the Jedi were boarding their ship. Obi-Wan tried to control his emotions. Fear, helplessness, and anger were jumbled with hope, love, and determination in the young Jedi's heart. Qui-Gon looked compassionately over at his apprentice. The boy was trying so hard to control his emotions. Obi-Wan was trying to handle this like a Jedi. Qui-Gon put a hand on Obi- Wan's arm, "Padawan, do not be ashamed of your feelings. Don't try to hide them from me. Release them into the Force and try to relax." Obi-Wan considered his Master's words for a moment, then began to meditate.   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
The small world of Geonasi loomed in their viewport. Livia was down there. Obi-Wan could sense her serene presence. Qui-Gon skillfully piloted the ship down to the planet. Geonasi was wrecked with devastation. The planet was filled with chaos, anger, sadness, grief, and hate. Buildings, barely standing, looked ragged and worn. Some buildings looked about to collapse. Fires burned in random places around the planet. Few people were in the streets. Those who dared to roam the tattered roads were grieving and angry, looking for lost loved ones. "Master, what happened here?"Obi-Wan asked, his voice barely above a whisper as they stepped off the ship into the devastation. "This is what happens to planets who cannot resolve their conflicts. The sides destroyed each other, burning cities, killing innocents, and wrecking the economy. Now, there is nothing left for anyone here,"Qui-Gon replied, his keen blue gaze searching the desolated land. Obi-Wan shuddered. The place resembled Melida/Daan, but on a much worse level of destruction. This is what Melida/Daan would have become if their conflict had not been resolved years ago.   
  
The two Jedi walked slowly through the streets. The ground itself was singed and covered in ashes. Blood stained the streets and walls in various places. Abruptly, the solemn silence was interrupted. Two bands of men came dashing into the streets, yelling at one another. They carried blasters and other weapons. They came in firing at the opposing side, screaming chants of revenge and rage. The two Jedi ducked, igniting their lightsaber at the exact same time. They deflected the blaster bolts raining around them. As suddenly as the attack had come, it stopped. Both sides were staring at the two Jedi, expressions of hatred and confusion on their faces. "Who are you to interrupt us, outlander? Why are you here?"a large man bellowed, raising his vibroblade. Qui-Gon looked at the man evenly. "I am Qui-Gon Jinn and this is Obi-Wan Kenobi. We are here searching for a friend of ours,"Qui-Gon said. "They're JEDI!!! They can't be trusted!! They are no help to any of this!"a man cried out in recognition from the other side. Members of both gangs nodded their heads in agreement. "All we want is one of our own back. We believe you have captured her,"Obi-Wan said.   
  
"She is no longer with us, right now. The Red Clan took her. She is on the other side of the planet by now," the first man said. Obi-Wan's heart filled with despair. He knew time was running out for Livia. "Where can we find these people?"Qui-Gon said, sensing his apprentice's sorrow. The man paused for a moment. Qui-Gon nudged his mind with the Force, suggesting he tell them the 'Red Clans' whereabouts. The man nodded. "They're about 300 miles west of here...."he said, naming a string of coordinates. The two Jedi nodded and left the two groups where they were. The two gangs disbanded, not knowing what to do. The two Jedi boarded their ship quickly and took off toward the coordinates they had been given. They arrived at a large stone wall barely an hour later. Barbed wire laced the top of the stone barrier, suggesting a military installation. The Jedi easily leapt over the wall, using the Force. Behind the wall was a small city. The city was as wreaked with devastation as the others outside the barrier had been. Only this one had more people in the streets. The people who were in the streets were mourning and searching for loved ones, just as the others from earlier had been.  
  
Obi-Wan sensed Livia's presence. She was very close. A soldier strode up to the two Jedi, pointing a blaster rifle at their chests. "State your business, outlander,"The soldier said gruffly. Obi-Wan choked down his impatient urge to rid the man of his arm as well as his weapon. Time was running out. "We are here to return the Jedi you have here back to Coruscant,"Qui-Gon replied calmly. The man eyed them warily. He let out a short laugh and mumbled something about them being "a little late for that." Obi-Wan abruptly lost his patience. He grabbed the man by the throat, tossing the rifle to the floor. The Jedi picked the man up aiding his strength with the Force. "Where is she???? Tell me NOW!"Obi-Wan yelled, desperation welling up inside him. "I don't have time for this. Tell me!"Obi-Wan continued, his voice strained with rage and impatience. Qui-Gon put a hand on his Padawan's shaking arm, calming the young Jedi. Obi-Wan put the man down. The soldier fell to his knees, gasping for the oxygen he had been deprived of. "I don't know. She's here somewhere!"the man cried, running away, rubbing his throat gingerly.   
  
Obi-Wan glared after the man and searched the streets with the Force. Qui-Gon gently nudged the boy forward. Obi-Wan took off running, sensing Livia. Qui-Gon followed him, knowing his Padawan should not be left alone in his state of mind. Obi-Wan raced forward to a small building, pausing as he sensed the serenely familiar presence of Livia. An eery familiarity rang about this place. Obi-Wan cut the door down with his lightsaber, his heartbeat loud in his own ears. Inside, the nightmare became reality. Livia was laying there on the cold, filthy ground. The only difference in her appearance in this and the nightmare was that there were no truly visible scars in the nightmare. A large, black bruise ran across the left side of her head. A scar traced her beautiful face, running from right temple to her left ear lobe. Other bruises and gashes marred her small figure. Obi-Wan rushed forward, kneeling beside his love. He gently probed her body with the Force, despair washing into him and hope leaving at the same time. Her blue eyes opened, but did not focus. The once bright, caring wonder in them were gone to be replaced by a clouded sadness. She could not see. "Livvy..?"Obi-Wan breathed, hesitant to touch her for fear of her breaking.   
  
She gave no sign of hearing his words. "Obi-Wan....."she whispered, sensing his presence. She could not hear, Obi-Wan realized, horrified. The bruise across her head symbolized repeated head blows. The beatings must have shattered her ear drums. Obi-Wan gently pulled her into his arms, comforting her in the only way he knew how. Obi-Wan would have wished for the nightmare over this. Her life slipped away like sands in an hourglass. Obi- Wan couldn't comfort her with his voice nor with his physical appearance. He would have given anything to have heard her wonderful voice and to have seen the beautiful sparkle in her eyes one last time. Obi- Wan whispered through the Force. A small, wistful smile creased Livia's bruised features as she received the message. She replied, her life force fading away. Her last gasping breath left her body.   
  
Obi-Wan felt hot, salty tears run down his face. Sobs wracked his body. Obi-Wan clutched his lost love's form, grief overwhelming him. They had promised each other forever. Now, their wonderful love had been cut short by death. Obi-Wan moaned in untold grief. "Why...Livvy? We had forever..."he whispered, his heart breaking into a million pieces.   
Qui-Gon stood in the doorway, watching his apprentice's sobbing form. It broke Qui- Gon's heart to see and feel his apprentice's pain. He, too, would miss Livia. They had not been as close as she and Obi-Wan had, but he had cared for the young girl, also. Though Qui-Gon knew he had loved Livia, himself, he sensed Obi-Wan had truly loved her in another way. They had loved each other unconditionally. Qui-Gon could see Obi-Wan's love Livia in the way Obi- Wan sat there, broken hearted. Qui-Gon walked slowly over to his apprentice's shaking form. He placed a hand softly on the boy's back. He rubbed Obi-Wan's back in soft, comforting circles, wishing he had some words of comfort that would help to make it all better for Obi-Wan.   
  
Obi-Wan felt the comforting weight of Qui-Gon's hand on his back, but didn't care. All that mattered to him now was the broken body of his love. Obi-Wan bent over Livia's body and touched his forehead to hers, wishing her life back into her, but the wish was not granted. "I'll never stop loving you, do you hear me? Never...."Obi-Wan whispered to Livia, hoping she could hear as his words once again dissolved into tears. Qui-Gon's throat constricted as he heard the soft spoken declaration from his Padawan. Qui-Gon wrapped his strong arms around his shaking, grieving Padawan. Obi-Wan didn't resist the embrace and continued to cry. Tears ran down both men's faces, unchecked. They cried together for hours in the small, filthy room. Qui-Gon looked down at his apprentice, who was now no longer sobbing, but was shaking uncontrollably nonetheless. Silent tears ran down the young man's face. "Padawan, we must go now. The Jedi Order as well as her family deserves to know what happened,"Qui-Gon said softly, gently placing a hand on Obi-Wan's arm, trying to coax him up. Obi-Wan shuddered visibly. Finally, he acknowledged his Master's presence. "Why, Master? Why her? Why us?"He asked, his voice plaintive and anguished.   
  
"It is the will of the Force, Padawan. The Force works in mysterious ways,"Qui-Gon replied quietly. Qui-Gon's wise words fell on Obi-Wan's ears to no effect. Obi-Wan sat there, kneeling with Livia's body cradled in his arms. For a moment, Qui-Gon was afraid he would have to carry both of them. Then, Obi-Wan stood, carrying the shell of his beloved. Qui-Gon looked into his Padawan's eyes. The tears were gone to be replaced with a dull, tormented defeat. Obi- Wan followed Qui-Gon to the ship in a shocked daze. Obi-Wan walked into the ship and laid Livia's body gently down on a bunk. Qui-Gon piloted the ship into hyperspace and walked back to the passenger cabin where Obi-Wan sat. Obi-Wan was sitting on a small chair, his elbows propped on his knees. His hands were over his face, and he was looking in the direction of the floor. Small, salty tears of grief slid between his fingers. Obi-Wan was locked in an inner battle of shock, grief, and anger. *Force, Why? Why take her from me like this? She was my love....it's too soon.....I would have given anything to even have the nightmare. At least in the nightmare she could see me, hear me, and be comforted. She couldn't even hear me say goodbye....*Obi- Wan thought.   
  
A soft moan escaped his throat. Qui-Gon walked over to his Padawan, deeply concerned for the young man's wellbeing. Obi-Wan was being torn up inside with grief. Qui-Gon could see this. "Let me fix you some food, Padawan. Go get cleaned up and get some rest,"Qui-Gon suggested. "Yes, Master,"Obi-Wan said automatically. Obi-Wan followed his Master's orders like a machine, not truly caring, just going through the motions of living. Qui-Gon walked to the cockpit and picked up the commlink. He dialed the Temple. "Master Yoda, we found Livia. She died right after we got to her,"Qui-Gon said softly. Yoda made a compassionate noise. "Unexpected this was. A great Jedi, she would have become. How is Obi-Wan?"The small Jedi Master asked. Qui-Gon sighed, "He is grieving horribly about this. He and Livia were very close. They truly loved each other, in fact. He is not taking this well,"Qui-Gon replied, his voice filled with concern for his Padawan. "Knew this, I did. Lovers, they were. Wanted to spend the rest of their lives together, they did. He will need to speak to a mind healer,"Yoda said.   
  
Qui-Gon nodded and ended the transmission. He prepared Obi-Wan some food and brought it to him. Obi-Wan poked at his food and ate a bite, then stopped. "I need to be alone, Master, for a moment."Obi-Wan said. Qui-Gon nodded and walked to the refresher station, leaving Obi-Wan to face his inner demons. Obi-Wan looked mutely out at the blue sky of hyperspace. Livia used to love looking at the stars, he remembered. Obi-Wan closed his eyes, trying to remember the way Livia was.   
  
"I could travel the world, see all the wonders beautiful and new. They'd only make me think of you and I could have a life of love, riches that were far beyond compare to grant my every wish without a care. I could do anything.   
But if you weren't in it all, I couldn't face my life tomorrow without your hope in my heart I know. I can't live a day without you. Lord there's no night and there's no morning without your loving arms to hold me. You're the heart beat of all I do.   
I can't live a day without you."  
-Can't Live a Day   
by Avalon  
  
Obi-Wan looked over at the small bag that Qui-Gon had picked up on their way out. The   
bag held Livia's things she had brought with her on that last mission. Obi-Wan picked the small bag up and carefully unzipped it. He picked up Livia's belongings one by one, breathing in the sweet scent of her perfume. He pulled out her robe and draped it over his arm. He then looked into the side pocket of the bag and pulled out a small holo. He switched it on. A small scene of the past replayed itself over and over again before him. He saw Livia and himself's smiling faces, looking into the camera. They were about to dive over a waterfall at the Temple. Obi-Wan smiled slightly as he remembered that day. They had stolen Master Yoda's gimmer stick and had hidden it at the bottom of the waterfall below. The picture was taken as they were about to retrieve it. Obi-Wan sighed at the happy memory. He leaned back against the small bunk he had been sitting on. Extreme fatigue tugged at him, pulling his eyelids down. He then drifted off to sleep.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
Qui-Gon exited the refresher station to see Obi-Wan asleep on the bunk. Wrapped around him was Livia's robe. In his hand, he held a small holo, playing a happy memory repeatedly. Qui- Gon gently pulled the blanket over Obi-Wan. The big Jedi kissed his Padawan softly on his forehead, "Good rest, my son,"he whispered. Qui-Gon laid himself down on a bunk opposite of Obi-Wan and closed his eyes. Suddenly, a soft blue light filled the room. Qui-Gon opened his eyes to see Obi-Wan still asleep. He turned and saw the origin of the blue glow. Livia stood in front of him. She was enshrouded in a shimmering, blue glow. Her dark hair flowed around her shoulders. She looked beautiful and healthy, just as she had always been. Qui-Gon resisted the urge to rub his eyes, wondering if he were dreaming. "No, you are not dreaming, Qui-Gon. It's me.......how is my Obi-Wan?"She asked, her shimmering hand gently caressing Obi-Wan's forehead. "He misses you. We both do."Qui-Gon replied, hardly daring to believe what stood before him.   
  
Obi-Wan stirred softly in his sleep and his blue-gray eyes opened. Obi-Wan looked up and smiled as he saw Livia standing there. "Obi-Wan, I love you,"Livia whispered. Obi-Wan wanted to reach out and touch her, to feel her warmth, but knew better. She was not there in body. Her body was broken in the other passenger cabin. She was there to say her last goodbye to him before passing into the Force. "Livvy.....I'm sorry."Obi-Wan murmured, tears coming to his eyes. Livia shook her head fiercely. "There is nothing anyone could have done for me. I'm happier now. I'm in a better place. I will wait for you. Then, we will have our forever."She said. Obi- Wan nodded, his throat tightening. "I love you. I'll miss you."He said softly. Livia shook her head slightly. "You will go on and live. I want you to be happy......goodbye, my love. Goodbye, Qui-Gon. Remember, my love, you will never be alone, no matter what."She said. Obi-Wan wanted to call out and beg for her to come back to him. Something stopped him though. He then knew that she would be in a better place and that she would wait for him. While he was alive, he would never be alone. He had Qui-Gon to guide him. He then knew without a doubt that his life would go on 


End file.
